Hey beautiful human,
Another fun week for me.
And by fun, I mean I had a complete meltdown, screaming-match hissy fit on Thursday.
I'd been running for 10 days straight. Not once did I think, gee, maybe I should take a break somewhere in there. I just kept running right through.
By Thursday I'd hit maximum question capacity. Anyone could ask me a totally harmless question (an LLM, or my husband asking "What do you want for dinner tonight?") and I'd lose it. Bawling my eyes out. Over a dinner question.
Me, Thursday, when asked what I wanted for dinner.
This is my biggest problem right now with starting a business... I absolutely LOVE what I'm doing. I get so deep into it that I have to remind myself to take breaks and actually rest.
That's new.
In corporate, I was just trying to survive the week without burning out completely. Now my body might give out before my will does... which is not a great place to be.
Part of the drain is a part-time paid gig I'm doing right now. I CAN do it. I've done this kind of work before. But it doesn't give me joy, and it eats the same brain I need for the stuff that lights me up.
My executive function is a fragile little thing most of the time. And I'm finally seeing why I was in burnout for years at Accenture (and denying it). I kept trying to make my executive function work like everyone else's.
It just wasn't built for that.
Saturday I finally crashed. Actually slept. Then I posted on LinkedIn about the difference between rest and restore.
Confession: I'm a Diet Pepsi-aholic. I keep a little fridgey upstairs so cold sodas are always nearby.
I went to grab one and realized I'd grabbed one earlier and never replaced it.
2 empty spaces.
That's my energy. Pull, pull, pull, never restock... and pretty soon I'm running on less than empty, with a bunch of holes to fill back up.
What actually refills me?
Early in the week I would've said chilling in front of the TV and playing my games. Tried it. Nope.
What finally worked was being cozy in my bedroom with the cat on my lap, the bed tilted at JUST the right angle, the room nice and cool, and something on that I've watched over and over and over again so I didn't have to pay attention to it.
No games. Nothing to do.
I just let myself BE.
I don't do that very often. It's almost like I have to allow myself to be bored... and I avoid boredom at all costs. Which is kind of stupid, but yeah.
That might be it.
Go check your own fridge. How many empty spaces are you running on right now?
Now for the stuff that's filling me back up.
Our fearsome foursome (Nicole, Marion, Sarah and me) announced what we're building together. We all put ourselves down as co-founders of You. Actually.
Our first thing is Who Are You, Actually? on November 17. It's an event... kind of a tiny experiment... and you can take part if you want. We wanted folx in every time zone to be able to join, so it'll be around lunchtime-ish.
Add your email at whoareyouactually.com and we'll tell you when it's ready.
Marion and I also set a goal: 3 products on sale by Black Friday. We're cooking up something brilliant and ballsy and truly feral, and I'm SO excited.
Meanwhile, I'm on a mission to burn through Lovable credits. To get certified as a Lovable partner, I have to spend 1,000 of them, and it has to be ME doing the building.
So over the next couple of weeks, I'm building ALL the things in Lovable.
Except I build through Claude and ChattyG, and they're SO good at planning everything ahead of time that they keep me from spending credits. Gah.
And Joy Prompt Club is moving!
I'm taking it off Heartbeat and bringing it over to beehiiv, where this newsletter already lives. I got a deal on Heartbeat last year, and the price is about to double. Also, hardly anybody's heard of Heartbeat, so folx forget to go there. If you're already opening this newsletter, the community's right next door.
The biggest part of the club is the Friday Jam Sessions anyway. They started at 30 minutes. Now they usually run an hour.
It's women getting really clear on what matters to them and what they're working on... and a bunch of us helping each other figure out what's next with AI. It's really awesome.
And with the move, a piece of Joy Prompt Club is going FREE.
Free members get permission slips and tiny tutorials every Tuesday and Thursday. The custom prompts I build for the community and the Friday Jam Sessions are for paid members.
Weekly Ad
Full disclosure: this week's partner is new to me. Cook Unity looks like it could be something really tasty for the foodies out there. Lemme know if you check it out!
Explore 500+ meals by culinary legends.
Done with the same leftovers? Add more variety to your week with CookUnity. Discover 500+ meals nationwide handcrafted by world-class chefs, featuring 60+ cuisines and diets. Delivered fresh and ready to heat in minutes, this is a great way to explore authentic global flavors, and the best of your local food scene at home.
Radical Remembering
Here's what I keep forgetting: rest doesn’t have to be useful.
We “relax” by folding laundry in front of the TV. We go for a walk and pick a podcast so it also counts as learning something.
And a cup of tea somehow turns into answering emails until it’s gone cold.
Somewhere along the way, doing nothing started to feel like getting away with something. Like any minute now someone’s going to walk in and ask what we think we’re doing.
Nobody’s coming to check.
Lie down. Stare at the ceiling. Put on a show you could recite from memory and let it wash over you.
Being bored for an hour won’t cost you a thing.
Leave the laundry where it is.
Last Week’s Shenanigans
If you're new here, this is where I share the stuffs I encountered on the interwebs that touch, move, inspire, or simply make me snort-laugh.
I’m Sorry to Burst Your Bubble: You Are Being Fooled About AI
5 minute read. This one will make you feel sooooo much better about AI and all the BS the tech bros are throwing around right now. David William Silva put words to something I ran smack into this week while Marion and I were dreaming up our Black Friday products:
“Every time I had an idea that was genuinely outside the box, AI discouraged me from pursuing it... When it tells you your unconventional idea is bad, it’s not evaluating your idea. It’s telling you that your idea doesn’t resemble the data it was trained on.”
Marketing or something else (14 seconds)
Worth it.
Confidence and curiosity (1:03)
Watch the whole thing. You’re welcome. Feels like we need this level of curiosity and confidence in daily life.
Prompt O’ the Week
Defend My Weird Idea
Remember that article up in Shenanigans? AI tends to talk you out of new ideas because they don’t look like what it was trained on.
So make it argue FOR you first.
Paste this, fill in your idea, and watch it switch sides.
ROLE: You're my biggest believer with a sharp business brain.
OBJECTIVE: Make the strongest honest case FOR my idea before anyone pokes holes in it.
CONTEXT: My idea is [describe it in a sentence or two]. It might not look like anything you've seen before. Unusual isn't the same as bad.
OUTPUT: Give me 3 reasons this could work, who would want it most, and the smallest way I could test it this week. Then list the objections and label each one REAL RISK or JUST HASN'T BEEN DONE BEFORE.Apply it this week
Pick the idea you’ve talked yourself out of more than once.
Want to go deeper?
Once it’s made the case, ask:
“Now argue against it, but only with real risks. ‘Nobody’s done this before’ doesn’t count.”
THE GAP CHECK: YOUR GUT VS. YOUR WEEK
On Friday my buddy Maggie Sass shared something she learned from Frances Frei, and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Frances drew a simple graph. One side is how well you’re actually doing. The other is how well you THINK you’re doing.
When you’re doing well but don’t believe it? That’s impostor syndrome.
Her fix is practical. We’re more accurate in the moment, and memory quietly edits itself later. So write down how things go while they’re happening, and when self-doubt creeps in, check the record. (Maggie and Ross Blankenship dig into this in their new book, FRICTION.)
Maggie boiled it down to one question: “What do my notes say, not my mood?”
So let’s take some notes. Together.
First, a gut check. How good are you at AI right now? Don’t overthink it.
When you click your number, you’ll land on a page with ONE more question: a checklist of things you might have done with AI in the last 7 days. Check whatever applies, hit the button, and you’re done.
Here’s what it looks like, so nothing surprises you:
Not a clicker? Count along from the picture.
Then put your two answers side by side. If you said 2 and checked 4, your gut and your week disagree. Believe the week. It has evidence. Your gut has a mood.
Next issue, I’ll show you the whole room. Real numbers, whatever they turn out to be.
What’s Coming Up
Fall Lab - Workshop 2: Networking That Actually Gets Done
Tuesday, October 27 | 11AM CT/12PM ET | 90 minutes, live on Zoom
$89
Networking advice usually boils down to “just reach out!” Great. To who? Saying what? And how do you hit send without your stomach dropping to your shoes?
In this one, Emily and I help you pick your people, write the messages, practice, and actually send them. You’ll leave knowing who you’re contacting and what you’re saying, and you’ll have already started.
$89 gets you the workshop, the replay and the materials. Can’t make it live? It’s recorded.
Want all of Fall Lab instead? Sign-up for the full program closes when Workshop 2 starts on Tuesday.
Em & Deb Shoot the Sh!t (LIVE on LinkedIn) - Would YOU Hire You?
Thursday, October 29 | 11AM CT/12PM ET
Free. No slides. Bring coffee and the accomplishment you keep describing as “responsible for...”
You’ve got years of experience. Then someone asks what makes you a strong candidate, and suddenly you’re listing job duties like you’re reading your own onboarding paperwork.
Emily and Deb will talk about why experienced professionals struggle to explain their value, how to turn responsibilities into evidence, and how to talk about your strengths without sounding like you swallowed a motivational LinkedIn post. We’ll help you choose one accomplishment and explain the problem you solved, what you did, and why it mattered.
Watch, lurk, or tell us which part is hardest: identifying your value, explaining it, or saying it out loud without wanting to crawl under the table.
That’s it for this week.
This week’s freebie is something I built for the folx in Summer School and Fall Lab, the community Emily and I run for job seekers. It’s a great group of people, and every one of them is feeling a lot less lonely in their job search.
It’s called Sounds Like Me. It helps you build an AI comment sidekick that sounds like YOU, not like LinkedIn. Feed it some of your own writing, and it hands you a voice kit to use with ChatGPT, Claude or Gemini.
Try Sounds Like Me
Before you go... I told you what finally refilled me this week: a cat on my lap, a bed tilted at just the right angle, and a show I’ve seen over and over.
It surprised me. I would’ve put money on TV and games.
So I’m curious. What actually refills YOU? The real answer, even if it’s weird.
Hit reply and tell me. I’m collecting ideas for my fridge.
💜
Take care of yourself, take care of each other,
Deb