Hey beautiful human,
Another fantastic week in my world!
This whole adventure I’ve chosen (I like adventure better than journey... journey is SO overdone) of starting a business and seeing if I can make a decent living for me and my husband doing my own thing... it just keeps getting better.
That’s not to say I don’t have craptastic days. Or results way more disappointing than what I’d hoped for. But I get to build things with people I love, and make sure they’re good enough that I’d be proud to have people pay money for them. And that keeps getting richer and deeper all the time.
This week I had a bit of a breakthrough about what my role in my business actually is.
When people step into leadership, there’s a switch they have to make. You go from being the doer to being the person helping the other doers... leading the charge. And it has a lot more to do with who you’re BEING as a human than with anything you’re doing.
That switch is hard for a lot of people. I’ve been smack in the middle of it this week, and I’m not saying I’m great at it. But I found out I’d been so deep in the doing that I hadn’t looked at the being at all.
And I found that out because I got a little stoned on Friday night.
My F’d-Off Corp Warriors are 20-some women in a WhatsApp chat. It’s fun, but it’s chaotic. Everybody’s living full lives with a ton going on, and WhatsApp isn’t built for several conversations at once. It gets really hard to keep track of anything.
I built us a little clubhouse in Lovable, just so we’d know who each other was when we’re chatting.
Anyways. Friday night the chat got a little crazy, and I thought, oh, I’m going to take a gummy.
I don’t do this very often, y’all. I’ve never been big on alcohol or drugs (I don’t know if it’s the ADHD or what). I had my partying days in my late 20s and early 30s, and learned really quickly that alcohol doesn’t do anything for me. It’s more of a depressant than anything. I’d get a headache before I was even done drinking, then feel like crap the next day.
I’m not a drinker. Never have been. I can have just as much fun with people who are, and I don’t judge anybody. Go for it. I’ve dabbled with other stuff here and there, and lately I thought I’d try edibles as a relaxing kind of thing.
I always used to chuckle at people who said they had these amazing ideas while they were stoned and wished they’d written them down. And the munchies. And having to drink ALL the water.
Oh my God, y’all. It’s so flipping true.
Me, Friday night, discovering the munchies are not a myth.
I took a couple gummies and ended up in this incredible conversation in our WhatsApp group, all voice messages, with my buddy Sarah’s daughter, Ashley Rose. We talked about systems, and whether things are inherently masculine or feminine, and what that even means. I can’t remember all of it.
But I realized I’m a person who gets her ideas by interacting with other humans.
This is why I’ll never be just a solopreneur, running a business on my own with nobody else in it. That’s not an option for me. I come alive around other human beings, and my ideas come from conversations with them.
Knowing that makes what I need for the future of my business really clear. Partnerships with incredible humans, most of whom tend to be women, because honestly, women are just easier for me to work with. Nobody assumes the woman’s automatically doing all the admin. We each handle whatever we’re best at. We give each other grace, we lift each other up, we make each other laugh, and the only expectation is to show up as your best self that day and give what you can.
It’s freeing and lovely.
I also realized I want to do things when I want to do them. Not because of a deadline, or because I’m expected to, or because it’s the right thing to do... but because I believe in it, or I think it’ll make a difference.
And I want to be the person who sparks the conversations and the aha moments for other people.
Up until now I’ve pulled back from things because I didn’t have the knowledge or the skill to build them. Well... I don’t have to. I just have to bring the right people together and make the connections. And that’s something I tend to be good at.
The other big moment this week was with my “boss.”
I’ve been working a part-time gig for a couple of months, and it’s been incredibly stressful. I have a hard time keeping track of everything, especially with so many different apps and tools I’m supposed to be in. And I hadn’t been getting any feedback, so it felt like I was falling behind and not doing a good job. Very icky place to be.
On Wednesday I hit my limit and told her exactly what it felt like. I’d try to prioritize the work she wanted done, and just when I thought I’d finished something, I’d find something I’d missed. I felt like I was constantly failing. I was dreading even opening the apps, because I figured all I’d see was what I’d done wrong.
And I said, listen, if there’s someone else you want to give this contract to, I’ll vacate it. It’s just too stressful right now.
She wrote back within 10 or 15 minutes. She said I was doing a great job, please don’t go, she wanted me to stay, and we’d talk the next day and work it out.
Since then it’s been 10 billion times better.
For weeks I’d been suffering, and my friends had been hearing ALL about how much I hated this gig. It took me getting to “f*** it, I don’t need this money, this is miserable” before I finally said what was so for me.
Suffering in silence is the worst thing you can do. Saying what’s so for you, even when it feels scary as hell, is always the best option. We got to see where we were both coming from and organize the work around that, and it was one of the best parts of my week.
A lot of this going-out-on-my-own thing is about building a world where I can be my best self... setting things up so I can bring what I’m good at AND love doing, and do more of it.
And then there’s today.
My knowledge of the calendar is wonky at best, so November felt like it was still weeks away. Then last week it hit me. Oh, sh*t. I’m speaking at a conference. In person. Monday, November 2nd.
When I submitted my name, I figured they’d stick me in one of those little side rooms where maybe a couple people would wander in. Nope. I’m in a lightning round on the main stage at the start of the conference. 10 minutes each, me and 4 other people. And I’m first.
Another one of those things where I committed first and figured I’d sort it out later. Later showed up a lot quicker than past Deb expected.
I won’t lie to you, y’all. I’m nervous. Probably more than a little. If this were on Zoom with you or my Joy Prompt Club folx, no problem. Getting up in person in front of strangers takes a lot of my courage.
I’m excited, I’m scared, and I’m ready. Here’s a peek:
The talk’s called AI Doesn’t Care If You Can Code. My last slide sends everyone to a page of free prompts they can copy, and you can grab them too.
Rule #1 in my talk is never take the first answer. Treat AI like an over-confident, over-eager intern and push back... it can take it.
Turns out you already do this. Last week I asked you to check your gut against your actual week. 4 of you answered, and every single one had told AI it was wrong or made it try again. One of you rated yourself a 2 and checked 4 boxes. To that person I say - you’re doing better than you think. Give yourself some grace! 💜
My plan was to give my talk and skedaddle out the door as fast as possible. But this might be a time to put on my big girl pants and actually talk to some humans, instead of talking about talking to humans. Even though I feel SO awkward in person. We’ll see how that goes.
Wish me luck, and send good thoughts my way.
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Radical Remembering
Here's what I keep forgetting: the people who hear my complaints are almost never the people who can fix them.
We give our friends the full rant, sometimes the same one for weeks. The one person who could actually change something gets a cheerful “all good!” And then we wonder why nothing changes.
Silence feels safer, but you’re the one paying for it. You pay in dread every time you open the inbox, and the other person doesn’t even know there’s a bill.
You don’t need a speech. Start with “Here’s what this has been like for me.”
Then say the rest to the person who can do something about it.
Last Week’s Shenanigans
If you're new here, this is where I share the stuffs I encountered on the interwebs that touch, move, inspire, or simply make me snort-laugh.
Lit up the screen (under a minute)
This one made me giggle-snort, because those of you who are perimenopausal or menopausal know hot flashes are REAL. It feels like the sun has set up shop inside your body, and no amount of taking clothes off helps. TSA may need different rules for women of a certain age.
Your boss is a credulous dolt (Instagram won’t tell me how long... about a minute?)
I want everyone to watch this, because it’s TRUE. Every word of it. AI can’t do your job, and anyone who thinks it can is an idiot. Pay special attention to what he says about the first consultants back in the industrial age. It’s been well over 100 years and companies STILL WORK THE SAME WAY. It’s ridiculous. The companies that insist on staying that way are the ones that’ll lose in the age of AI.
The women the 80s and 90s promised us (5 slides)
This is one of the best, most coherent explanations I’ve come across for why I keep finding other women like me out there. The ones who are DONE with corporate culture and male entitlement. Swipe through all 5.
Prompt O’ the Week
Say What’s So
Remember the gig I almost quit? My friends heard about it for weeks. The person who could actually fix it heard about it once... and once was all it took.
This one’s for the thing you keep venting about to everybody except the person who can change it. It interviews you first, then writes the message you’ve been avoiding.
ROLE: You’re a calm, straight-talking friend who’s good at hard conversations and doesn’t scare easily.
OBJECTIVE: Help me tell the right person what’s really going on for me, so something can actually change, without risking more than I can afford to lose.
CONTEXT: There’s a situation I’ve been complaining about to everyone except the person who can fix it. Before you write anything, interview me. Ask one question at a time, up to 6 questions. Find out who the person is and what they can actually change, what’s been happening and whether I’ve already tried saying something, what it’s been like for me, what’s probably on their plate right now, and what happens if this goes badly and whether I can live with that. If I’m talking to the wrong person, tell me who the right one is. If it sounds like harassment, discrimination, or a real risk of retaliation, say so plainly and help me think about documenting it and getting support before I send anything. Keep the message about my experience, not a list of what they’ve done wrong. Make it sound like me. Don’t cheer me on, and don’t talk me out of it.
OUTPUT: Write a short message I could send today that starts with “Here’s what this has been like for me.” Include one line that shows I see what’s on their plate. End with one clear ask, even if the ask is just “tell me how I’m actually doing.” Then give me one sentence I can say out loud if they’d rather talk. Last, tell me the part I’m most likely to soften or leave out, and why I shouldn’t.Apply it this week
Pick the complaint your friends could recite back to you by now.
Want to go deeper?
Before you hit send, ask: “Read this as the person getting it. What would make them defensive, and how do I fix that without watering it down?”
The Scoop, The Skinny, The Lowdown
Three quick hits, every week. The Scoop: one AI word/phrase, decoded. The Skinny: one move you can steal today. The Lowdown: one tool, one honest verdict, from my own use. A word, a move, a verdict. In and out.
THE SCOOP
Agentic
The tech bros’ favorite word right now. It means AI that does things instead of just talking about them.
A regular chatbot is a very smart pen pal. You ask, it answers, and you go do the work. An agent is more like an assistant with your car keys. It can open your inbox, sort the emails, update the spreadsheet, and come back to tell you what it did.
Super handy. Also a really good reason to decide what it’s allowed to touch before you hand over the keys.
THE SKINNY
Lead with your limits
Put your limits at the TOP of the prompt, before the ask:
“I have 20 minutes a day, no budget, and I’d rather eat glass than cold call. Help me find 3 new clients.”
Limits up top shape the whole answer. Tack them on at the end and they tend to get treated like a footnote... and you spend the next 10 minutes arguing it back down from the version with a budget and a call list.
THE LOWDOWN
This week: beehiiv
I started this newsletter in May 2025 on Kit (it used to be called ConvertKit). Plenty of people I know love it. I found it incredibly irritating. I was stuck with a very limited format for my newsletter, and the way they organized the menus didn’t make sense to me.
So in August 2025 I moved to beehiiv, where I was already writing a newsletter for another community.
It’s been pretty cool. If you’re thinking about starting your own newsletter, the free plan is all you need to get going. It does plenty, and it beats a lot of the other options out there.
I like it enough that I’m moving Joy Prompt Club off Heartbeat and onto beehiiv. It goes live later this month, with a free section for anyone who wants to connect with other people and maybe learn some stuff about AI too.
The catch: if you want to actually hear back from your readers, the free plan gets limiting. To be fair, most platforms make two-way connection hard to get for free.
Cost: I pay $49 a month.
Verdict: Thumbs up from me.
What’s Coming Up
Em & Deb Shoot the Sh!t (LIVE on LinkedIn)
Thursday, November 5 | 12PM CT/1PM ET
Free. No slides. One hour later than usual: 12 pm CT / 1 pm ET.
You FINALLY got an interview. Excellent. Now you’re researching the company, rehearsing answers in the shower, and wondering whether “tell me about yourself” requires your entire life story.
Emily and Deb are talking interview prep: what deserves your time, how to explain what you bring, and what to do when your brain forgets every accomplishment you’ve ever had. Bring your questions and the interview advice you’re deeply suspicious of.
We’ll also give you the details on our final Fall Lab workshop, Interview Better Without Overpreparing.
Watch, lurk, or ask the question you’re hoping they won’t ask you. Thursday, November 5 at 12 pm CT / 1 pm ET.
Take Back Tuesday (You. Actually.)
Tuesday, November 17 | 12PM CT/1PM ET | 1 hour on Zoom
Free
Before the holidays start making demands on every minute you’ve got, come take an hour back.
My fearsome foursome (Nicole, Marion, Sarah and me) are hosting our first You. Actually. event. We’ll look at the roles you play at work, what each one gives you, and where each one pinches. Then you’ll pick a small charm to help keep you grounded through the month ahead.
Playful and a little irreverent. Bring whatever’s left of your patience.
Want to hear what we’re building next? Add your email at whoareyouactually.com
Prompt Along: AI Improv
Tuesday, November 17 | 6:30-7:30PM CT/7:30-8:30PM ET
Free, on Zoom
Got a holiday thing you’re already dreading? The gift list? The family group text nobody wants to start? Bring it.
That’s Prompt Along, my live AI improv hour. You bring a question or a task you’ve been avoiding, and we work through it together on my screen. Keep your own chatbot open and prompt along... or lurk and watch what happens.
Cameras optional. PJs welcome. Nobody gets to call themselves stupid.
That’s it for this week.
Before you go... somebody in your life has been hearing the full rant for weeks, and somebody else hasn’t heard it once.
You don’t have to tell me what it’s about. Just hit reply and tell me you’re going to say it this week. Once you’ve told another human, it gets a lot harder to chicken out.
And if you want the prompts that go with today’s talk, they’re all here.
💜
Take care of yourself, take care of each other,
Deb